OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize