What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
