It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
