I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
