Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
