is your mom at the bar?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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