Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
my liver is dry heaving
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
