omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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