i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
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found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
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Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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