You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
