i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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