Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
