oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
