May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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