so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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