we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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