is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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