Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
