bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
