I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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