We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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