those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
