we're blogging at a bar
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
