She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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