Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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