If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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