You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
