I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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