yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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