so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
