I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
