my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
