We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
