I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
