last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
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I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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