Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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