Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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