Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
