no, he came in my armpit
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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