apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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