i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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