i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
