when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Small penises have feelings too.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
