hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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