Duck Duck Cougar?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
