There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
