I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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