im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
