I need help removing her.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
