I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
