??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
