I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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