Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
