His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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