You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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