I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There r osticjed everywhere
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
