Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
