You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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