Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
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