I think im going to throw up on grandma
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
is wine microwaveable?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
