Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
