Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
