I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
