What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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