Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
