i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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