just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize