i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
