So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Randomize
