oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
