I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
